How To Talk To Your Child About Neurodiversity

Piedmont schools have a long tradition of inclusion. Inclusion means that children with various learning differences are included in the general education classroom. There are many benefits of this model. Children with learning differences are able to learn from and socialize with their general-education peers; typically-developing children are able to learn about diversity, and develop skills to understand and appreciate people with different abilities. Inclusion is a win-win for everyone. 

Sometimes, being in a classroom with students with different neurotypes (such as autism) will raise questions for typically-developing children. For example, a child might ask “Why doesn't X answer me when I say hi?” In response, you might talk about how some people feel shy, or might not express themselves easily in words. You could help your child relate to an experience where they weren’t able to express themselves easily. Another question might be, “Why doesn't X play with us when we’re doing a group game?” You could explain that some people have a harder time joining groups, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to play. Another common question is “Why does X have a helper in class?” You could talk with your child about how different people need different types of help at different times. These are all appropriate questions, and great topics to explore with your kiddos. 

Similar to talking about race, talking about neurodiversity is important. Multiple studies show that thoughtful discussion with our children leads to more empathy and stronger relationships; in contrast, avoiding the topic perpetuates misunderstanding and discrimination. We encourage you to have open discussion with children, without stigmatizing. 

Here’s some general advice about how to approach these conversations with your children: 

1. Emphasize that everyone has differences, and that this is part of what makes life wonderful. There are tall people and short people. There are shy people and outgoing people. There are people with brown skin and pink skin and many other shades too. There are people that come from all different countries. And there are people who may act and play and talk and learn differently as well. You can show your child how to appreciate the differences of people in books and movies, or in your family and community, by complimenting their strengths. We all have different approaches to expressing our needs and our emotions. It’s ok if someone takes a different path to get to the same destination. 

2. Use resources to help support the conversation. We have a list of book recommendations linked from our website. For younger children, characters such as Julia from Sesame Street and Max on Daniel Tiger can help neurotypical children learn about neurodiverse children. You could watch an episode and talk with your children about what they notice and answer any questions they may have. Like with anything, teaching your children to approach differences in a way that is open, curious and kind is helpful not just to neurodiverse kids but to everyone.

3. Avoid using the name of a diagnosis unless the child self-identifies that way. While the word "autism" is perfectly fine and non-taboo in many neurodiverse families, young children on the spectrum don't necessarily know yet what that word means in relation to themselves. For first conversations, we suggest starting with concept of "difference" and how different people learn and play and talk in different ways.